Tony's Bollywood Blog

Fat as I am, Diva Mahima

2007-12-23T16:34:00.000Z

Fat as I am.

Who wants to see a diva fat as I am?

I get mistaken now for Lainie Kazan.

How is it that I'm fat as I am?

Fat as I am.

The camera's gonna add a ton to my can.

This is the way they say Godzilla began.

How did I get as fat as I am?

"Try it again."

All of my friends say I should diet again;

That all my fans are gonna riot again.

"Look what happened to Liz."

All of my sinsare not as numerous as . . . all of my chins!

I could audition for the doublemint twins.

No one in the biz is as fat as I is.

Ah, but what's a career

when you put it next to knockwurst and beer?

They could park a DC10 on my rear.

God knows I got the gas!

There goes the chair.

But to tell the truth, I'm too fat to care!

I ate a meatball off the floor right over there.

Ah, you don't give a damn

when you're fat as I am!

John keeps his eyes shut around Malaika

2007-12-23T16:26:00.000Z

Coming to an event without your fiance is nothing new... but coming and seeing a much more sexier girl, and trying to keep it in your trousers... is hard. So when John Abraham went to this Television event without Bipasha Basu, he had to keep his eyes closed... so as not to fall head over heels in love with beauty Malaika Arora Khan.

Akshay shows Kat the difference between him and Sallu

2007-12-23T16:19:00.000Z

What is the difference between Salman Khan and Akshay Kumar? That was one question that always baffled Katrina Kaif. Until, Akshay gave her the answer. Or to be more precise... showed her the answer. "Mine is a little thicker and a little longer."

Aishwarya and Abhishek... well he is there...

2007-12-07T02:43:00.000Z

For the past year or so Aishwarya Rai has never been seen at an event without her husband Abhshek Bachchan. But, at this event from yesterday, the Bachchan baby was not with her... where was he? what happened to him? Woh kyun nahin aaya? Well, we looked around and did finally locate him... he is in the above picture... Ash is holding Big B's little baby in her hand.

Salman gets a fright with spud and slug

2007-12-07T02:35:00.000Z

At this recent Aids event... Salman looked like he had a fright... he was nicely sitting next to his girlfriend... sexy Katrina Kaif... when suddenly she morphed into an old-aged wannabe... and not only that... the two had produced a kid within minutes...

Amrita Arora's tattoo saves the day

2007-12-03T04:17:00.000Z

Amrita Arora was showing off her tattoo to all and sundry... and I took a glimpse or two at it also. Love saves the day... hmmm... it probably does hunny... for you... you aint good at nothing else but 'that'... so when you're in bed with whats-his-name cricketer from England... it probably saves your relationship too... too bad it cant save your Bollywood career.

Dino's index finger spreading a virus

2007-12-03T04:04:00.000Z

A virus is spreading around the globe. It is deadly and can kill within seconds. The origins of the virus were first not known, but after a lengthy research, it has been located... to the index finger of the right hand of DINO. Whoever the finger points to... woh bechara mo-rea....

Someone sat on John's face... Oops!

2007-12-03T03:47:00.000Z

Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too
I love to hear you ORALIZE
When I'm between your thighs
You blow me away
Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you
I'll sit on your face and THEN I'LL LOVE YOU TRULY
Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine
IF WE sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play
'Till we're blown away

Aamir begins to see BLACK taare

2007-12-03T03:42:00.000Z

When he started directing his movie, he never expected that he would be seeing stars, even if the movie is titled Taare Zameen Pe (Stars On Earth). Looking at the above picture... Aamir has begun to see stars... and they probably are coloured BLACK.

Isha or Minnisha... Girls in Bottles

2007-12-03T03:37:00.000Z

Well we have heard of Ship In A Bottle... but what about a Girl In A Bottle... Two girls are here wanting to be the first ever female in a glass bottle... Isha Koppikar or Minnisha Lamba... which one will get into the bottle first? Bets are on guys.

Malaika has come from the heavans...

2007-11-19T03:57:00.000Z

Ye Taazgi Ye Naazuki Ye Saadgi
Tu Kaun Kahaan Se Aayee Hai
Ye Husn Kahaan Se Laayee Hai
Teraa Noor Nahin Insaanon Saa
Kyaa Khudaa Se Milkar Aayee Hai
Kyaa Paakizaa Hai Naam Teraa
Dhadkan Ki Tarah Se Chalti Hai
Kyaa Dil Bankar Aayee Hai
Is Jahaan Mein Kiski Amaanat Hai Tu
Kiske Dil Ki Mohabbat Hai Hai
Kaun Naseebon Vaalaa Jiski Tu Dulhan Bankar Aayee Hai

Kareena's devil eyes are taking Saif to hell

2007-11-19T03:49:00.000Z

Saif, man in white, stay away, you know my forces, my Devil eyes
I'll take you to hell, You're inside my spell, In my mirror
Shahid, You remember, And I am his killer, I'm devil eyes
Oh yeah, I'm devil eyes, Oh yeah, I love my eyes, Oh yeah, those evil eyes,
Oh yeah, I love my eyes, I'm gonna get you Saif
I am heading for the gates of hell, bringing a victim, he's angel eyes
I took him to hell, In Lucifer's spell, I am his mirror
And still I'm his killer, still I'm his killer, Devil eyes, Devil eyes.

Aishwarya notices bad smell from Amitabh

2007-11-19T03:44:00.000Z

Papa-In-Law Amithab Bachchan has a very good bahu... she has an eye and concern for every little thing of Amitji's. Here she is noticing that Papa Amitji forgot to get his diaper changed this morning. Aishwarya Rai you are indeed the bahu to die for...

Aamir Khan could be Upen Patel's twin

2007-11-19T03:12:00.000Z

I was totally confused when I saw this picture... is this Aamir Khan or that ***hole Upen Patel? From a quick first gaze it looks like Upen, but after a lengthy look, it is not Upen... it is indeed Aamir Khan. What's up Aamir? Why are you trying to emulate Upen for... believe me dost, Upen is a phoney fraud... don't copy him.

Kim still thinks about Yuvraj Singh

2007-11-19T03:05:00.000Z

Jaane Kahaan Gaya Wo Yuvraj
Kehta Ta Teree Raah Me Kim
Centuries Hi Centuries Bichhaoonga
Chaahe Kaisi Bhi Tum Lagoh
Out Na Karoonga Tum Ko Umarbhar
Kim Tere Liye Hi Cup Jeet Ke Laoonga
Mera Silicon Enhanced Figure Jahan Parah
Sixers Lagaye The Yuvi Ne
Mujh Ko LBW Kar Diyaa
Yuvi Ki Fast Popularity Ne
Apanee Nazar Mein Aaj Kal
One-Days Bhi Long Tests Hain
Yuvi Hee Mera Pyar Thaa
Yuvi Hi Mera Pyar Hai

Ranbir Kapoor wants a blue tooth now

2007-11-19T02:58:00.000Z

Ranbir Kapoor is having some technical problems with his bluetooth device. It seems as though it too has fallen in love with Sonam (like the rest of us) and refuses to work while she is in the vicinity. Ranbir tried to ask Sanjay Leela Bhansali for a new bluetooth... but Sanjay replied angrily and said "Were the blue colours in Saawariya not enough for you... now you want your teeth coloured blue too?"

Rockets launched to attack Shah Rukh

2007-11-19T02:52:00.001Z

Shah Rukh Khan should be worried... he has hurt a good few people in the last two weeks... and Manoj Kumar is one. While out and about promoting Om Shanti Om, King Khan noticed a flying rocket... it was launched by the Indian Army for test purposes... but he thought it may have been targetted at him.

Abhishek flosses his teeth for Aishwarya

2007-11-19T02:47:00.000Z

Aby's little baby is feeling happy... he has had his teeth flossed professionally and now Aishwarya will indeed kiss him. Since the two have been married, Aishwarya has refused to lip-lock with Abhishek Bachchan... and the reason... his teeth are not white enough. Hrithik, Zayed, Vivek, and goes knows whose else were white?

Hrithik refuses to open his eyes for Farhan

2007-11-19T01:54:00.000Z

The anamosity between former pals Farhan Akhtar and Hrithik Roshan is becoming a little childish. As you can see from this photo, Hrithik is totally giving Farhan the cold shoulder... and not just that... but he is refusing to look at him... Farhan is not amused... he bought that T-Shirt especially for today!

Bipasha Basu has grown fat on her chest

2007-11-17T02:47:00.000Z

Didn't Bipasha Basu have a slimmer figure than this? This picture, which was taken a few days ago, she looked slightly more than slim. I actually prefer Bips with a little more 'fat' on her, especially on the top part of her body... don't you?

Deepika has felt something of Shah Rukh's

2007-11-17T02:34:00.000Z

Deepika Padukone has decided that from now on she will no more open her mouth at events... she will only speak with her hands... ie hand signals... and she is doing exactly that in this picture. When someone asked her which part of Shah Rukh Khan's anatomy she likes the most... this is what she responded by... and that signal can only be one thing... hmm... what would Gauri make of it?

Tulip Joshi's tulips ready to be picked

2007-11-17T02:15:00.000Z

Actress Tulip Joshi sure knows how to get the guys staring at her... she just has to show her two most prized assets... her two tulips... and Bob's your Uncle... Here she is doing exactly that at a recent event... Now where does the mind of a guy wander...

Vidya seeks advice in bedroom department from Ajay

2007-11-14T02:46:00.000Z

Bollywood beauty Vidya Balan is currently without a man in her life(?), so Ajay Devgan is giving her tips on how to get it right in the bedroom department. It's actually about positioning Vidya, says Ajay. If you get the position right, then everything else just goes into place... Vidya is very intrigued by this...

Soha Ali Khan feels Shiney Ahuja's manhood

2007-11-14T02:39:00.000Z

If Saif Ali Khan can do it, then her little sister can do it also. Saif is currently busy feeling Kareena's anatomy and Soha Ali is also doing the same... with Shiney Ahuja. My oh my look at your manhood Shiney... it is shining.... Is that what she is saying to him?

Well that's not all... look at the picture below... now what does that tell you?

Mahima shows of her slim new figure

2007-11-14T02:32:00.000Z

Here is former Bollywood sweetheart(?) showing of her brand new slim figure... not! It seems as though the Pardes girl has been eating a few too many burgers... well... all I can say is... Main diet kar ke jaaon kahan... aur body banaoo kis ke liye... mera Bollywood to haath se pissal gaya...

Sushmita gives finger signals after watching Saawariya

2007-11-14T02:22:00.000Z

When Sushmita Sen was asked about how bad was Saawariya, she responded by raising her index finger and swaying it left to right. Actually, when a former beauty Queen does this thing with the finger, it means that she needs to use the little girl's room. So why did she use this thing in response to this question...?

Amisha Patel's odour wakes up Mumbai after Saawariya nightmare

2007-11-14T02:15:00.000Z

After the whole of Mumbai was sent to sleep watching Saawariya... Sanjay Leela Bhansali resorted to desperate measures to wake them up again and get Mumbai back to work... and what better way to get them awake then the odour of Amisha Patel's arm-pits... Here she is doing it for Bhansali and Mumbai... Long live Amisha!

Rishi and Neetu lost at Saawariya premiere

2007-11-14T01:58:00.000Z

Rishi smiles apologetically and Neetu is flabbergasted... the expressions of the parents of Ranbir Kapoor. I guess Ranbir has everything going for him... but this RK lacks just one factor... the S factor...

Akshaye watches Saawariya and gets pain down below

2007-11-14T01:54:00.000Z

This is the moment when Akshaye Khanna came out of the cinema after seeing Sanjay Leela Bhansali's Saawariya. The expression on his face says it all... "Was that a film... my Himalaya Putra was better than that." It seems that Akshaye got pain where the sun don't shine.

Salman controls his tears after Saawariya premiere

2007-11-11T03:05:00.000Z

Salman Khan is trying his very best not to cry. The tears are about to break, but he won't let them drip. Bhansali has stabbed him in the back, cut 40 minutes of his role in Saawariya, and poor Sallu is too upset. Don't worry Salman... Saawariya flopped. You're better of out of it.

Saif remembers his ex, and Kareena her sex

2007-11-11T02:57:00.000Z

Saif: Hang on Bebo, isn't that Rozza, my ex.
Kareena: Naa Saifu... it's just Shahid... my sex!

Shah Rukh shows evidence of call to Bhansali

2007-11-11T02:52:00.000Z

Shah Rukh Khan is a good person at heart. Here he is showing to the media that he doesn't hold and grudges with Sanjay Leela Bhansali. The evidence is the phone in which he texted Sanjay Leela Bhansali and told him that he would change the release date of Saawariya, if Sanjay couldnt get it done himself.

Esha's plastic surgeron taken into asylum

2007-11-11T02:46:00.000Z

"Look Mum... Look look look. I got a arse too. Don't it look like Bobby's." Esha shows of her newly formed behind to all and sundry. Her plastic surgeon however, has been taken ill and admitted into a mental asylum. It has been reported that the 'behind' he removed during surgery, was not one that could be easily seen and digested.

Anil Kapoor shows he has all the bits to reproduce

2007-11-11T02:43:00.000Z

Oooh My! He maybe a father of a fully grown beautiful woman, that the world is currently loving in Saawariya, but who says he cant sperm of a few more little Kapoors. Here is Anil Kapoor letting it known, or shown, that he still has all the bits... and they're all in fully working order.

Bipasha Basu pulls two guys on the ramp

2007-11-11T02:41:00.000Z

My oh my... Bipasha Basu is such a lucky girl. She has managed to bag to guys in white at the same time. Just look at those dashing dudes. Hunk heavan. Lucky Bipasha!

Hema and her problems with Esha Deol

2007-11-11T02:34:00.000Z

While attending an event last week, glamour girl Hema Malini received a phone call on her mobile from the babysitter. The babysitter called to say that her daughter Esha was playing around and wouldn't go to sleep. She had tried everything but still Esha wouldn't settle. Hema then rushed home to tuck her in and tell her a bedtime story.

Deepika told to show skin because of Ranbir

2007-11-11T01:58:00.000Z

This is the moment when Deepika was told that she had to film an extra scene for Om Shanti Om where she has to drop her knickers and show her bottom... because Ranbir has done the same in Saawariya. Why are you astonished Deepika? You're getting a dream debut... dropping and showing a little flesh shouldn't be a problem. Look what Raakhi and Mallika have to do...

Esha has trouble seeing herself in the mirror

2007-11-08T06:32:00.000Z

The lengths that Bollywood B-grade4 actresses will go to get noticed. Here see Esha Deol having to come out in public after plastic surgery on her eyes has gone wrong. The disaster happened after she decided to increase her eyes from a 36B to a 38DD.

Nana Patekar gives advice to Tusshar on sex

2007-11-08T06:20:00.000Z

Nana Patekar once said "Ek machcar saala aadmi ko hijra bana deta hai". Which basically means that a small insect can turn a full blooded male into a homeosexual. And that is the exact reason Tusshar Kapoor is seeking advice from Nana. He wants to know what is the antidote and how can he take it.

Priyanka sits next to a guy with genital problems

2007-11-08T06:15:00.000Z

Priyanka Chopra is having a fright sitting at this event. The guy next to her has just had an erection after seeing Kangana Ranaut dance on stage, and he is unable to settle it back down. Uff kya jadoo kangana hai... no disrespect to you though Priyanka.

Triple trouble for Abhishek, Aishwarya and Amitabh

2007-11-08T06:09:00.000Z

Abhishek: Ash darling, look it's Karisma Kapoor. Hide me somewhere, quick!
Aishwarya: No can do, am gonna run myself. Look whose behind, Salman Khan.
Amitabh: You got problems? I can see Rekha coming. We need to run!

Tusshar is not happy sitting next to a beauty

2007-11-05T03:12:00.000Z

The organisers of this event really made a goof... making a gay sit next to the most beautiful girl in the audience. Tusshar Kapoor is having a difficult time trying to keep it down and making it stay in. His discomfort shows on his face. Well looking at Urmila, which gay wouldn't bat back for this side... she is gaaaawjuuuuuus.

Amitabh not happy as Aishwarya notices open trousers

2007-11-05T03:08:00.000Z

The Bachchan bahi is upto her old trick again... and Papa-in-Law is not happy. Amitabh Bachchan keeps a sneak eye on Aishwarya as she begins to laugh a little too much, at some guy who is standing in front of her, with his fly open. Well Mr. Bachchan what did you expect... the Virgin Mary?

Mallika wears a cotton diaper to event

2007-11-05T03:04:00.000Z

Mallika Sherawat was so hot and bothered at this event earlier this event, that she decided to wear nothing to the event. But on-lookers were so astonished that she decided to put something on anyway. The quickest thing she could find to wear was this nappy (cotton diaper)... that belonged to Arshad Warsi's new baby.

Aarti tastes better than green wine

2007-11-05T02:54:00.000Z

Aarti Chhabria is playing twelve green bottles... and my has she great big bottles to play with. Aarti herself looks like something to drink from... the girl is begining to look better and better as each day goes. Who needs wine when you have Aarti...

Saloni shows you dont need to be fair

2007-11-05T02:51:00.000Z

Who says you need to have fair colour skin to be beautiful... here is Saloni aka Rajshri... and she looks like a diamond. She looks more beautiful than any Bollywood bimbo. But why has she piled on tons of make-up... Rajshri please lay of the make-up... you look better without it.

Bipasha's John has gigantic balls for her to play with

2007-11-02T02:08:00.000Z

My oh my... Bipasha's John has very big balls. The Beckham and Spice of Bollywood now have everything. Only balls were missing, and those John has grown. A little late but it will do... nothing has been lost... Atleast it now saves Bipasha from running after guys who already have them.

Mallika will do anything for a Lakh

2007-11-02T02:00:00.000Z

--Mallika--Kya dekhte ho

--Me--Kapre tumhaare
--Mallika--Kya chaahte ho
--Me--Inko uthaaro
--Mallika--Na hum jo keh de
--Me--Pehle kabhi kaha nahin
--Mallika--Chalo teek hai, do eik lakh

Sonam will die in the arms of Ranbir

2007-11-02T01:57:00.000Z

Tune aawaaz di, dekh main aa gayi... Pyaar se hai badi kya kasam. Tujhe dekha to yeh jaana sanam... Pyaar hota hai deewana sanam... Ab yahan se kahan jaaye hum... Teri baahon mein mar jaaye hum...

Dia gets excited over long long things

2007-11-02T01:53:00.000Z

The lovely Dia Mirza got so excited when she saw this long thing trying to come through the car window, that her eyes popped out of her head. Well, wouldn't your eyes pop out if you had been without it since puberty.

Fardeen is a Vulcan from birth

2007-11-02T01:51:00.000Z

The Vulcan peace sign, the one that you make with your hands, is becoming quite popular in Bollywood. Here is Fardeen Khan trying to do one... and next to him is Spock. Sorry... but is that his wife... Nattasha... and is she pregnant?

Chak De India girls have 'national' assetts

2007-11-02T01:48:00.000Z

Chak De India... the girls of the 'national' hockey team do indeed have some 'national' assetts. I am proven wrong. I always thought they were all tom-boys... but as you can see from the picture above, the girls can indeed chak de you till kingdom come...

Parents of Tusshar and Ranbir in gay dance

2007-11-02T01:45:00.000Z

Ooh My! The oldies are on the dance floor and they're giving the youngsters a run for their money. Father of Tusshar and father of Ranbir enjoy a gay dance together, in front of millions of viewers.

Swap a Saloni for another

2007-11-02T01:44:00.000Z

Our lovely Nahar has ditched his dark wife Saloni for a not so leggy Bollywood wannabe bimbo. And the above picture proves it. Actually its his wife... off-screen wife...

Karan Johar shows you how to masturbate

2007-11-02T01:42:00.000Z

Karan Johar is currently using sign language to express his desires. Here he is on stage at some event show trying hard to explain how to masturbate without touching the relevant parts. The audience were unable to do the same... try harder next time K-Jo.

Is Saif playing Kareena, or Kareena playing Saif?

2007-11-02T01:38:00.000Z

Is Saif Ali Khan about to change career paths? Here he is with a musical instrument that he has no idea on how to play... which is similiar to the girlfriend he currently he has... Kareena Kapoor. He has no idea on how to play her either. In fact it's Kareena that has been playing guys left right and centre.

Jiah... a poem for a girl so ugly...

2007-10-31T04:09:00.000Z

Wanna go for a ride?
sure Ken!
well forget it!
I'm an ugly girl my face makes you hurl
Sad I have it I should bag it
Acne everywhere unwanted facial hair
I'm a relation to frankenstein's creation
Ur so ugly u disgust me
I'm a bland homly girl all alone in the world
I'm as flat as a board, thin and lanky
Your a dog and a troll were u hit by a train
Don't go near u cuz ur breath is skanky
Don't get touched I'm afraid cuz guys say I'm an eye sore (ooh ooh)
I'm an ugly girl my face makes you hurl
Sad I have it I should bag it
Acne everywhere unwanted facial hair
I'm a relation to frankenstein's creation
Ur so ugly u disgust me (boo hoo hoo yea)
Ur so ugly u disgust me ( ooo ooo ooo ooo)
O let's go out and have some fun
I'm sorry but ur 2 damn ugly
o screw u ken!

Deepika... a poem for a girl so beautiful...

2007-10-31T04:00:00.000Z

I'm walking behind you... On your wedding day...
And I'll hear you promise... To love and obey...
Though you may forget me... You're still on my mind...
Look over your shoulder... I'm walking behind...
Maybe I'll kiss again... With a love that's new...
But I shall wish again... I was kissing you...
As I'll always love you... Wherever you go...
And though we are parted... I want you to know...
That if things go wrong, dear... And fate is unkind...
Look over your shoulder... I'm walking behind...

Kim Sharma has a big ass bottom

2007-10-27T01:18:00.000+01:00

Does my ass look big in this? That's the question that Kim Sharma put to onlookers. And this is the answer she got back... you're everything looks BIG... and not just in this... but in everything.

Pray for Karan Johar, pray for his sexuality

2007-10-27T01:15:00.000+01:00

Karan Johar... singing to himself... Mera yaar bana hai dulha, aur phool kileh hain dil ke... arrey meri bhi shaadi ho jaaye, duwa karo sab milke... Everybody raise your hands to the heavans... and pray to the one that created this fine specimen of manhood... that this K-jo shall meet his Love-Jo... soon. Any takers out there for an asexual?

Deepika worried as a first time Dulhan

2007-10-27T01:13:00.001+01:00

Nervous as hell. And worried about her coming nuptials. Here is a bride to be that has all the worries of the world on her petite little shoulders. Deepika is all set to be crowned as the Bride of Bollywood... her baraat will be coming this Diwali... wish her well.

Tanisha tries to flaunt her chest for all

2007-10-27T01:05:00.000+01:00

Kajol's little sister is so proud of her chest that she is trying to flaunt it the best way she can... by raising up her head... but somehow I don't think is helping. Tanisha needs to really get a grip of herself... Neal and Nikki was one big disaster... we saw more of her in that movie then her husband will see of her on her suhaag raat... Tanisha we love your didi but we don't love you...

Hrithik Roshan starves at Ghai's party

2007-10-27T00:57:00.000+01:00

Hrithik Roshan is so busy these days that he doesn't even have time to eat... here he is ordering a Pizza as he arrives for Subhash Ghai's party. He was hoping that Subhash jee had laid on a 4 course meal but it seems that wasn't the case. Subhash jee has had a couple of big failures at the Box Office and has no spare cash to feed the people at his parties. Hence, Duggu ordering a pizza for himself... but the good news is that he left his pregnant again wife at home... so it would only be one pizza... and not 12.

Salman Khan is on the run... run... run...

2007-10-27T00:50:00.000+01:00

Salman Khan is on the run... watching his back every step he takes. Because he is also worried that he may end up behind bars... just as Sanjay Dutt. Sanjay has been sent to prison (again) and it is only a matter of time before Salman is taken back... maybe the two could end up in the same prison... and then perform a Prison Break...

Amisha Patel shows she has Bionic legs

2007-10-24T19:03:00.000+01:00

Ooh my... they are letting schoolgirls out on a school night. Here is one school girl that sneaked away through her bedroom window and has come out to party. However, her boyfriend never turned up so now she is all alone and has no one to take her back home. With legs like those she could run like the Bionic Woman... and get home in a jiffy.

Shah Rukh gets molested by the Hand

2007-10-24T18:58:00.000+01:00

Here is the hand that nearly molested Shah Rukh Khan. It happened earlier today at the Filmfare October issue launch, and it happened as Shah Rukh came for the event. The hand belonged to no one and just appeared out of nowhere. Shah Rukh survived the molestation. However, police are still looking for the hand and believe it may have absconded from the country. If you know who this hand belongs to, contact the police. But please do not approach it... it is highly dangerous.

Sonu Nigam goes to Harvard to teach

2007-10-24T18:52:00.000+01:00

Sonu Nigam has had enough of singing (and acting) and has decided to teach... and not only that but teach at Harvard. His look is ideal for a professor... now if only he could find any students...

Farah's babies will be popped after Diwali

2007-10-24T18:47:00.000+01:00

Meet Farah Khan and her triplets... they are close to being popped out... she is just hoping they pop out after Diwali... because she don't want nothing popping in the way of Om Shanti Om release. We wish Farah all the best and great happiness for the future. God bless her.

Deepika has a problem and requires help

2007-10-24T18:40:00.000+01:00

Deepika has been affected by a mystery illness. It happens only to women and that once every month. She has no idea what to do about it or who to take advice from. She has been suffering from it for about 6 years now. Shah Rukh tried to cure it for her, but then she had to see his dangling bits, and that wasn't a good sight. Can anyone else help her?

Upen needs someone to look at his hole

2007-10-24T18:22:00.000+01:00

Help! Someone help Upen Patel re-start his 6-pac and body muscles. He turned them off last night, but now cant reach the hole(!) to put the key in. Someone help me quick or a million girls might have to do without it tonight.

Hot News: Hrithik is dating Brittany Spears

2007-10-22T00:53:00.000+01:00

Shock horror! I can't believe it! This can not be happening... Hrithik Roshan has began dating Brittany Spears... is he mad? Hrithik what are you upto... don't you know Brittany can't hit in any more baby... She is finished baba. Oops. Sorry. That's his wife... Suzanne. She is pretending to be Brittany... why would anyone pretend to be Brittany...

Jackie and Chunkey discuss drugs in Bollywood

2007-10-22T00:44:00.000+01:00

Yeh drugs bi kya cheez hai bhai... hero se zero... aur zero se chunkey... Here are Chunkey Pandey and Jackie Shroff discussing the virtues of drug taking. Chunky is pondering if he should have taken drugs while his career was on a high in the early 90s... Jackie is advising him that he still can... birru drugs cheez hai kamaal ki.

Me, You, and Vivek... Gauri what is this?

2007-10-22T00:35:00.000+01:00

Gauri Khan wants some excitement in the bedroom... and she has arranged a special three-some. She is just explaining to husband Shah Rukh Khan, that she has asked Vivek Oberoi to come back home with them tonight. Shah Rukh Khan is not pleased at all... but Vivek is happy... more than happy...

Karan Johar has an accident in public view

2007-10-22T00:30:00.000+01:00

Here is Karan Johar... he is the one lost now... it seems someone put him out to play with the other kids... but the other kids taunted him over his sexuality... and he got so scared... that he had an accident... he has wet himself... Karan, did your mother never tell you... it's all about how not to wet yourself in public.

Shah Rukh arranges meeting with lover as wife looks on

2007-10-22T00:26:00.000+01:00

The princess looks on without a clue in the world, as her prince arranges a secret hotel liason with his gay director lover. Gauri Khan is lost for the world as Shah Rukh Khan and Karan Johar book a hotel room for the night... for the two of them.

Malaika has a tough time with her breasts

2007-10-20T19:55:00.000+01:00

A Bollywood girl desperate to show you her chest... yes this is the sexiest mother on the planet... aka Malaika Arora Khan..... and here she is at an event last night trying very hard to expose her breasts. One of these days she will succeed and we will all be in Arora Heavan.

Salman Khan needs help from Allah, Ram, and Jesus

2007-10-20T19:49:00.000+01:00

Salman Khan is a having a faith crises. First he was a Muslim... then he worshipped a Hindu idol... and now he is wearing the Christian cross. Swaying his head towards the heavens and looking for guidance... but who will help him... Allah, Ram, or Jesus?

John Abraham has misplaced his manhood

2007-10-20T19:40:00.000+01:00

Has anyone seen John's manly part? He had it on him just now, and suddenly it vanished. He is showing the exact size of his manhood, that has been lost, and wants you to find it for him as soon as possible... or Bipasha might leave him... he needs it for her. My guess is fellow actor Shahid Kapoor has ran of with it... so he can get Kareena back.

Saif has a paused grin above his chin

2007-10-18T19:54:00.000+01:00

Saif Ali Khan is so happy that the grin on his face has been paused... for all to enjoy. He is happy because he has won the girl of his dreams... the girl that everyone wanted... the girl that Shahid had... the girl that he now has. What he sees in her... I have no idea! The only thing that I see in her is _ _ _ _ all.

Katrina loses Salman at the Mela

2007-10-18T19:48:00.000+01:00

The Kat has lost the leapord... Salman Khan has hid himself from Katrina and she is in a right strop. Someone please find him before Katrina has another flush.

John Abraham is an alien in disguise

2007-10-18T19:42:00.000+01:00

Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And we will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night!" We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day! So go back John Abraham... we have fought aliens before and you are nothing for us... go back to your planet.

Gauri's shoulders make gay people straight

2007-10-18T19:39:00.000+01:00

Gauri Khan is one mean looking bird... she looks ace... and her shoulders are what do the trick... she has the best shoulders in India right now... and they are so cute and adorable... that a guy that bats for the other side is also admiring em... we love you Gauri.

Meet Sridevi and her daughter Jhanvi

2007-10-18T19:34:00.000+01:00

Meet Sridevi... the eternal beauty of Bollywood... and mini-devi... Jhanvi Kapoor... Jhanvi is the daughter of her and Boney Kapoor... Have a look at the two... dont they look great?

Meet the HOMEO, the BI, and the A

2007-10-18T19:09:00.000+01:00

Sex doesn't come any better than this... The asexual, the homesexual, and the bisexual. Now it is upto you to imagine which is which...

Upen is a lost puppy without a master

2007-10-18T19:04:00.000+01:00

Upen Patel wanders around like a lost puppy... his master has misplaced him and gone to hunt without him. Now what will Upen do... I know... go back to UK... and leave the girls to us!

Manisha becomes a pre-diet Adnan Sami

2007-10-17T22:04:00.000+01:00

My oh my... how the beautiful have fallen. The once love of the cinema screen is now the nightmare of many a child... looking like a female version of pre-diet Adnan Sami... Manisha Koirala is nearing death... fashion and fat death that is...

Mallika is slimmer than a slim-shady cocktail

2007-10-17T21:57:00.000+01:00

Slim as a slim-shady cocktail... this is Mallika Arora Khan... the groovest most coolest mum on the planet. She hip and hops... she can drop a mean dance... and she can look like outta this world. Never once do you lose interest in her features... if all mothers were like this...

Kareena sends love texts to Saif in front of Shahid

2007-10-17T21:45:00.000+01:00

Now this is rubbing salt in the wound... come on Kareena give Shahid a break. The poor guy has already lost the love of his life (to a middle aged prince aka Saif Ali Khan)... it's already killing him seeing Kareena while both of them promote Jab We Met... and to top that all... Kareena selfishly sends love texts to Saif Ali Khan in front of Shahid... live on television. How low a blow is that? We are begining to hate you Bebo... get your act together...

Katrina Kaif has a hot flush...

2007-10-17T21:41:00.000+01:00

Hang on guys... hold you hands out... and everything else... the Kat is about to have a hot flush! This is your once in a lifetime chance... don't miss it. Salman is so lucky, he get's to be flushed by Katrina all the time. Don't we wish we were Salman... If only wishes were horses...

Neetu married young to produce Ranbir

2007-10-17T21:38:00.000+01:00

If Rishi Kapoor is washing his hands, then his wife is putting it all on. Former Bollywood teen-heartthrob Neetu Singh is dressed to impress... she married young... but then that gave us Ranbir... had she not had married so early in her life then we would not have seen Ranbir for a while... agree?

Rishi Kapoor washes his hands for Ranbir

2007-10-17T21:33:00.000+01:00

Finally, he washes away the tag of being the best actor from the Kapoor clan. Rishi Kapoor is looking happy as larry now that his son is about take over the mantle... Ranbir Kapoor will be seen next month... in Saawariya.

Bipasha Basu wears a tent to hide John

2007-10-16T03:08:00.000+01:00

Bollywood starlet Bipasha Basu wears a tent for the day. And walks the ramp to show it of. Now someone explain to me... where is the fashion in this? What does one get out of wearing something so obsecure and 'big'. And big here is an understatement. We all know Bipasha Basu has a high active sex life, but this is a little over the top... or do you call that 'through the bottom'?

Meet a Bollywood actor under the influence

2007-10-16T03:06:00.000+01:00

If you ever needed a photo to describe the horrors of drug use, then this is the one. A high class Bollywood actor under the influence of narcotics. It has become quite common for Indian movie stars to use drugs to keep them alive and kicking... but if this is what it does to you... then what is the point.

Say Amen to John and Bipasha's affair

2007-10-16T03:04:00.000+01:00

Meet Bollywood's answer to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (minus the baby). This is a picture that finally quashes any rumours of a split between the two. John Abraham and Bipasha Basu look good together, and I for once wish this Bollywood pair, a great Bollywood love affair. And now you all say Amen!

Rahul decides to strangle himself at last

2007-10-15T19:21:00.001+01:00

Rahul Bose attended a function last night but then decided he had had enough. Not of the function, but of being known as a never-to-be SRK. Someone told him he was a would-be Om Puri. After hearing this remark... he decided to kill himself... with his tie... dont we all wish!

Rani rushes to viagra pumped Aditya

2007-10-15T19:01:00.000+01:00

Last night I tried to have a chat with Rani Mukherjee... but she was in a hurry. Apparently, her boyfriend Aditya Chopra had taken a good few pills of viagra and she had to rush home to him, before he made a mess of the bed sheets. We make a mess without viagra.... come to us Rani!

Ejaz Khan waxes his chest and comes out to play

2007-10-15T18:31:00.000+01:00

Ejaz Khan has had his chest waxed and he got it done just now. His mum let him out to show it to all the other kids in the street. He is well proud of it. Next he is gonna have a bikini wax and then a brazillian... if anyone else is interested in having the same done, please contact Ejaz's mother.

Sangeeta Ghosh retires from semi-semi-porno teleserials

2007-10-15T18:24:00.000+01:00

Aruna Irani's protege has decided to cover up all her valuable assets. Sangeeta Ghosh, famous for showing her massive chest on the front cover of magazine Showtime, has now retired from semi-semi-porno teleserials. Instead she will use her immaculate talents to.... erm... hmm... you can finish of the sentence.

Celina looks beautiful in black

2007-10-14T00:06:00.000+01:00

Maine poocha chaand se... ke dekha hai kahin... meri Celina sa haseen... Chand ne kaha... Mallika ki kasam... naheen naheen naheen. Even though she looks good in any colour she wears, the outstanding colour is Black. Celina is beautiful in black... and we love her for wearing black.

Upen Patel strips on the ramp of stardom

2007-10-13T23:57:00.000+01:00

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo or in this case... Upen Patel: Dekho Mujko... never one to give up the opportunity to show his twelve-pack, our Upen is a cut above the rest. His acting skills may be lesser than a Cheshir Cat, but he can sure flatter you with lots of body show!